Elektra's coming out
by LynnHallow
Summary: The fifteen year old girl Elektra has known she preferred girls over boys for years now and thinks she's finally ready to tell the other Dumping Ground kids.


Being a teenager isn't as fun as it seems. Or actually, it isn't as fun as I thought it would be. I used to dream of going to a school like the ones you see in American high school movies, with cheerleaders and these big school dances. Okay, I didn't really believe my teenage life would be like that, but I would have never expected this... I'm fifteen years old and I live in a children's home. I do not like to talk about how I got here, but you must know that I'm really angry about the fact my parents kicked me out. I didn't do anything! They were the ones who made me feel miserable!

Oh well... I'm stuck here and there's nothing I can do about it. I have to live with the fact that all the kids in here know everything about me and that I can't keep secrets anymore. For example, in here you can't have a date without everybody knowing about it and you can't meet your lover without anyone noticing. That's why I decided to tell them. I wanted them to know before they started gossiping about me, because that's what they always do in here. And yes, that was another reason for me to come out to the kids and the staff as a lesbian.

I don't quite remember when I found out that I was gay. I think I started to realise I was not so much into boys when all my friends at school started talking about them. I pretended to be as interested as they were, because I wanted to be cool. Really embarrassing when I think about that period now. But I was like eleven years old and being cool was really important to me back then. Later, when I was about 13 or so I fell in love for the first time, with my teacher... I didn't actually tell anyone because it was too embarrassing, but I was really in love. Weirdly enough I still didn't believe I was gay. I thought it was just... Not me. I wanted to have a family and I thought the only way to have a family was by marrying a man and stuff. Jesus Christ, I can't believe I'm writing all this. I feel so stupid.

Anyway, long story short. I couldn't accept it at first, but now I can and I'm ready to tell people about it. I'm not afraid of people judging me. After all, people already do that in here. I'm living with people who are not related to me and most of them hate me. No problem though, I hate them too. That's why I feel like I've got nothing to lose.

Right after I concluded that I went downstairs. I wanted to tell everybody straight away. But most of the kids were doing different things and I knew I'd get too nervous if I tried to gather them for my unexpected announcement. Many of the kids that live here have never seen a gay person. At least, that's what they think. One out of ten people is attracted to people of the same sex. At first I always thought the children in here were too stupid to realise that, but of course I knew they were just not interested. They didn't even want to know gay people. Most of them were even afraid of them. Johnny, one of the most obnoxious boys ever, once said that gay couples shouldn't have children because all kids need a mum and a dad. Pretty ironic, right? That was said by a boy abandoned by his straight parents...

Coming out of the closet was actually a lot harder than it seemed. I thought the best way to come out was by just telling them "Oh and guys, I'm gay", or something like that. I didn't want to make it sound formal or anything at all. After all, to me, being gay is absolutely normal and not something to discuss or anything. I am what I am, right?

Well... Three weeks had passed and I still hadn't told anyone. Every day I tried, but I just couldn't. I wasn't afraid of their reactions. I knew many of the younger kids wouldn't care, the older ones wouldn't react to it because for some reason they were pretty scared of me, and the ones that were my age would be mature enough to accept me the way I am. No, I really wasn't afraid of their reactions. But I was afraid of the way they would treat me after this. Would the girls still want to hang out with me? Wouldn't they think I'd be attracted to them? Could I still share friendly hugs with them without them thinking I wanted to have sex with them? I wasn't sure. I really couldn't care less about what they would think, seriously. But I wanted to be treated the same way as any other kid in here. Not as the lesbian.

After two more weeks of waiting for the right moment I just couldn't keep it from them anymore. Hiding the truth about myself was just not right. They had to know who I was, who the real Elektra was. No, not Mandy Perkins. People had to know I wasn't going to change at all. I would stay the exact same Elektra.

That late afternoon we were having tea at the dinner table. With about ten other kids and two adults on the same table it was pretty hard to find a quiet moment to say something. But when it was finally silent I decided to take the word.

"Guys... Umm... I'd like to say something." I said.

Most of the kids (the ones who weren't too interested in their plates) and the two care workers here, Mike and Gina, looked at me.

"What is it Elektra?" Gina asked.

I took a deep breath.

"I failed my math test today..."

Another month passed and I still hadn't told them. For a few days I decided I wasn't going to tell them anyway. But that wasn't an option. I wasn't happy this way. I didn't get anything for myself in here, so expressing myself couldn't hurt, could it? People always thought I already did that, as I had a different sense of style. My clothes were different and my hair had blue hightlights. But expressing myself on the outside wasn't enough for me.

That afternoon, again during tea time, I decided to do it for real.

"Mike, Gina? Can I tell you guys something?" I asked when we were all done eating.

"Yes of course, Elektra." Mike said.

For a moment I tried to think of another excuse, but I was only hurting myself by procastinating. I was going to do it for real. I was going to tell my fellow dumping grounders who I actually was.

"I wanted to tell you... That I am a lesbian."

Everyone was looking at me. I felt as if, all of a sudden, they didn't see me as a human being anymore. I thought they saw me as a freak. As if I was some wild animal in a zoo. Beware of the lesbian...

But I was wrong.

"So?" Carmen said.

"Yeah?" I replied, not knowing what she meant by that.

"What did you want to tell?" She asked.

"I said so didn't I? I'm gay. I wanted you guys to know..."

I felt like crying. Okay, there were no negative reactions, but there were no reactions at all. I was really confused. It took me so long to get to this moment and it didn't change anything.

At least, that was what I thought.

That evening, before I went to bed, I went to Mike's office.

"Come in, Elektra." He said when I knocked on his door.

"Hey Mike," I said, "I wanted to know umm... Why didn't anyone say anything?"

"When?" He asked.

"Mike!"

He wasn't funny at all. Of course he knew what I meant.

"When didn't anyone say anything?"

"When I came out of course!" I said, followed by an annoyed sigh.

"Does that surprise you at all?" Mike asked.

I nodded.

"Oh, come on Elektra. You arrived here about one year ago, when you were already fourteen years old."

"So?"

"We already knew that, didn't we?"

Okay, I was pretty confused. But when I thought it over it actually made sense. I never said anything people would call typically lesbian. I'd be really upset if people said I did, but whatever. I didn't want to think about it. People knew me and they respected me. What more could I wish for in a kids home?


End file.
